Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
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Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
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Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Chuck Norris once had a weak moment, just to know what it felt like.
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Chuck Norris made Stevie Wonder flinch.
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Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
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Chuck Norris has hair of steel wool.
That's why his mullet never moves.
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Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face.
Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men.
The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons.
Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face.
There is only one King.
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