Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
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Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009.
His state flower will be the Magnolia.
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If Chuck Norris was a spartan the movie would be called "1".
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Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.
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When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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Chuck Norris invented black.
In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light.
Except pink.
Tom Cruise invented pink.
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When Chuck Norris hired his bodyguards, he figured he was paying to save someone.
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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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When Bell invented the telephone, there were already three Chuck Noris missed
calls.
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