Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.
Underneath China it says "Made in Chuck Norris".
Chuck Norris doesn't lift weights he tells his muscles to get bigger.
Chuck Norris was a pokemon card, until they took it out of the market cause the Chuck Norris card was level infinity.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Chuck Norris once starred in Wheel of Fortune. The last twenty nine minutes were spent in an awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.
Chuck Norris once slapped a man into next week. The man was missing for four and a half years.
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess by saying "Yahtzee!"
"With great power comes a great beard!" - Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.