Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.
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Chuck Norris tells his GPS when he wants to turn.
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Chuck Norris is the reason Pluto is no longer a planet.
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Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife.
"Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning.
That's how tough his beard is.
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Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
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Chuck Norris doesn't jump. He moves the ground away from him.
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When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a stapler, he puts the paper between his fingers and they just stick.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
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Chuck Norris pours the milk first, then he pours the cereal.
Then he places the bowl.
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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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