The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once broke the law... with his fists.
When I was a kid, my Chuck Norris action figure broke all my other toys while I was at school. When my mom tried to throw him away, he killed her.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris can smell sound and hear touch.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Hip-Hop is dead because of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.