The ground hog only pokes his head out to check for Chuck Norris.
When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris called McDonald's through the television.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck. There can only be 1 living legend.
Justin Bieber has Chuck Norris fever!
The second hardest element in the universe is Chuck Norris. The first only comes into existance when Chuck gets excited.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.