Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.
Chuck Norris once ate a bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Once someone forgot to stand up when Chuck Norris entered the room. Chuck roundhouse kicked him into the man behind him creating a nuclear explosion.
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
Law of Gravity doesn't apply to Chuck Norris, he enforces it... with a round house kick.
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog. When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
Chuck Norris can see at least 3 extra colors.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a security system. Chuck Norris is a security system.
For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.