Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
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Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.
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Chuck Norris can travel a negative distance.
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Chuck Norris once gave a cop a ticket for speeding.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.
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Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can read an eye chart with his eyes closed.
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When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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Chuck Norris caught them all with one PokeBall.
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Chuck Norris does not go fishing, the fish surrender.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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