Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready.
Chuck norris can kick you in the back of your face.
Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf. When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
Even after muting "Walker, Texas Ranger", you can still hear Chuck Norris's victims screaming after getting roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to breathe, the oxygen comes to him.
Chuck Norris won the World Horseshoe Pitching Contest while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.
Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.