Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off
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Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
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Chuck Norris once lapped his opponent...in a drag race.
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When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants.
Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
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Some people can ride their bikes with no handle bars.
But chuck norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
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Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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E only equals MC² because Chuck Norris allows it too.
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