Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
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Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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Chuck Norris can play Pokemon Go on his landline.
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Someone once broke into Chuck Norris' house and instead of stealing anything they gave Chuck Norris everything they owned.
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When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris kissed a girl once.
She's still blushing, we call her Sun.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke.
The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.
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The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake
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Chuck Norris can kill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.
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