Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
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Chuck Norris can speak French in Russian.
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Where does the devil go when he dies?
He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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Chuck Norris once played The Price Is Right.
The prices attempted to guess the numbers Chuck Norris was thinking of.
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Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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Somebody said that Chuck sucks, since then their severed head with many foot marks have been found...
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When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
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When you die on Earth you go to hell.
When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.
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