Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.
Chuck Norris never bathes. Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once. That stone is now known as The Death Star.
Chuck Norris isn't just a name, it's a cause of death.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.