Chuck Norris paints little red wagons for a living with his victim's blood.
But not the wheels.
That's just wrong.
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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet.
The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory.
He refreshes webpages by blinking.
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Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
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Nuclear weapons were discovered after a failed attempt to harness the power of Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating.
He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
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Time keeps going only to run away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
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Chuck Norris can give you a wet willie with a dry finger.
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Chuck Norris has no need to walk.
The universe simply moves around him.
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Barbwire wants a tatoo of Chuck Norris.
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