What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle?
A nerd herd.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?
A: Curly hare.
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay.
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows.
Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark.
He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators.
"Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?"
Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England."
The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"