Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the turbines of Hoover Dam.
Since then, the Colorado River is a tourist attraction.
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Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
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When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
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When Chuck Norris burns calories, he uses a flamethrower.
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Chuck Norris doesn't run out of bullets, bullets run out of Norrises.
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When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear steel toes, his toes already are.
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Chuck Norris can clog the toilet with his pee.
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When Chuck Norris has a bone to pick, it's always the jawbone.
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T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons.
Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
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