Billy: What a pair of strange socks you're wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots!! Drew: Yes, it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
Q: How did the sand get wet? A: The sea weed!
"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?" Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel." "Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?" "The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course. The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Q: What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in a pile of leaves? A: Rasin Brand.
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."