When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's goy a car.
When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'".
Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'".
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
What do you give a cat for its birthday?
A catologue.
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Douchebag!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.