Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention.
They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”
“Not bad,” the second paramedic commented.
“But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.”
“That’s nothing said the third paramedic.
“Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
In a pellet court!
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
Odour in court.
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room...
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.