The best lawyer jokes

A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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has 50.54 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
An investment advisor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impresive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
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has 50.40 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
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