The best lawyer jokes

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them.", replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer. "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer? A Dobermann pinscher.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, love, Valentines day
A loan shark asks a lawyers advice: How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt? Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you. Ok but I only loaned him $1,000! That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer