Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? A: It's called Sosumi.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice.
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honour.
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...