The best lawyer jokes

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lawyer
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
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has 51.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them.", replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer. "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting! I’m melting…!’
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
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has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
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