What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.
Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? A: It's called Sosumi.
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice.
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honour.
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.