Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach? Cats keep covering them with sand.
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?