Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.