The best lawyer jokes

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer. “Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.” “But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer. “Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal. Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet. Of course, they should at the court.
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has 32.39 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, sport
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An airliner is having engine trouble. The pilot instructs the cabin crew to prepare for an emergency landing. A few minutes later the pilot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready. ‘All set back here, Captain,’ comes the reply. ‘Except one lawyer. He’s still going around passing out business cards.’
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer
Q: What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? A: A great place to start.
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has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
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