A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!