What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by.
One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her!
The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
Discussion between two future lawyers:
I don’t understand why they rejected me!
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients.
What did you tell them?
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands!
You’re hands?
What do you mean?
Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.
During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.
"Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce.
One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held.
The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get.
My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry."
"I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge.
"Wait, there's more...
When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side.
I asked why.
Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's."
"THAT'S when I hit him!"
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
A mosquito drops off you when you die!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?
A: Depends on how deep you stack them.