Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.