What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer. During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions. "Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry." "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more... When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's." "THAT'S when I hit him!"
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.