The best lawyer jokes

Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, wife
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: bar, beauty, lawyer
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
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