The best lawyer jokes

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
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has 34.69 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: god, heaven, lawyer
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