A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs: "Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Doctor: "You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?" Patient: "Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming."
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.
What has four legs but can't walk? A chair.
The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life. There can be only one.
Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one? A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"