The best jokes about life

Why are we so sure that Eve was African? If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple! She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?" If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life
J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music, Thanksgiving
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, music
How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: elf, life
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
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has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor, life
Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food? A: Gaelic breath.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go." Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it. So his two body guards run out to find out who it was. Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news." "What is the bad news?" asked Bill. "Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore." "Whats the worst news?" asked Bill. "The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
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has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, political
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people
An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me." Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, health, life, wife, work
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