A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Doctor: "You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?"
Patient: "Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming."
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?
A: Cheez Whuz.
Mexicans cross the border 1...2...and 4 at one time, never 3. why?
Because the sign says - no tres passing.
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
There’s one good thing about life.
It’s only temporary.
What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life.
There can be only one.
Vote:
Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ?
Doctor: I deal with you later.
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.