You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath? A: Stinkerbell!
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.