The best marriage jokes

I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
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has 85.55 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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has 85.53 % from 428 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
Make love, not war. Or if you want to do both – get married!
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has 85.53 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: marriage
As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
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has 85.52 % from 1494 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
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has 85.50 % from 304 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I know of no one who is happily married, except my husband.
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has 85.50 % from 810 votes. More jokes about: marriage
On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Joseph responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
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has 85.48 % from 280 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it’s damned near impossible.
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has 85.47 % from 311 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
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has 85.46 % from 1741 votes. More jokes about: dad, god, kids, marriage, wife
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."
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has 85.46 % from 6087 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, marriage
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