Wife to her husband:
"I told you I'll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?"
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’
Her husband replies, ‘Why not?
I stuck with you through the other six shades.’
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
I asked my wife why did she marry me.
Wife: "Because you are funny."
Me: "I thought it was beacause I was good in bed?"
Wife: "You see? You're hilarious."
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
I never knew happiness till I got married.
By then it was too late.