The best marriage jokes

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
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has 85.81 % from 1428 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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has 85.81 % from 2013 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad. ‘That happens everywhere.’
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has 85.81 % from 1054 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I know of no one who is happily married, except my husband.
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has 85.80 % from 759 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
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has 85.80 % from 222 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
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has 85.80 % from 350 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”
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has 85.79 % from 690 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, couple, food, marriage, wedding
On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Joseph responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
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has 85.78 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: marriage
If you want your wife to pay attention to every word you say, try talking in your sleep.
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has 85.78 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: marriage
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
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has 85.78 % from 318 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, wife
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