The best marriage jokes

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
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has 85.51 % from 579 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I know of no one who is happily married, except my husband.
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has 85.50 % from 780 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
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has 85.49 % from 765 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife
Man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
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has 85.49 % from 381 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
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has 85.49 % from 233 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Girl to fiancé: ‘When we’re married I want to share all your troubles and worries.’ Fiancé: ‘But I don’t have any troubles and worries.’ Girl: ‘I know, but we’re not married yet.’
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has 85.48 % from 217 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
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has 85.48 % from 280 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
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has 85.47 % from 570 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’ Her husband replies, ‘Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades.’
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has 85.46 % from 562 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
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has 85.43 % from 364 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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