The best marriage jokes

My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
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has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
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has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, marriage, memory, romantic
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.  She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.  When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.  His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone.  "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"  Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.  Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."
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has 27.98 % from 1641 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, music, women
I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: doctor, marriage
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
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has 26.01 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, marriage, money
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
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has 25.64 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
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has 24.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
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