A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5! 
So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer.
At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?"
Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.
Why was the math textbook so sad?
He had a lot of problems!
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Q:Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven?
A:Because seven ate nine.
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.
Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ?
He had to work it out with a pencil...
Two random variables were talking in a bar.
They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.
E=mc squared.
E multiplied by mc squared=Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
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