The best math jokes

One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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has 66.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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has 66.81 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children? A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."
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has 66.72 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: math
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 66.15 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
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has 65.93 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: math
How I see math word problems: If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.
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has 65.77 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: math
There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
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has 65.45 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: math
...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."
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has 65.28 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: math
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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has 64.59 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: geek, god, math, science
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