The best math jokes

Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?" Little Johnny: "11" Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
has 67.31 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, math, stupid, teacher
Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left. The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
has 67.29 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: geek, hunting, math, nerd, science
A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. "Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister. "No," replied the statistician. "Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."
has 66.96 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: math
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
has 66.53 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: math
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, light bulb, math, work
A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
has 65.60 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: math
How I see math word problems: If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.
has 65.59 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: math
Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children? A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."
has 65.53 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: math
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
has 65.19 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: math
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