"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. "I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home. He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?" His father replied, "Figure it out." Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?" The teacher said: "Figure it out." Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."