Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."
How I see math word problems: If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!