Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.