What's the biggest difference between men and women ?
Men are crabby all month long.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.
A couple was having an argument, and the man was losing badly.
After 5 minutes the woman won the argument proving the man to be stupid, the man sadly says
"If my proof falls then I rome through the halls."
Then the woman leaves for 10 minutes and comes back starts giving him a blowjob.
The man is confused and says "what are you doing?"
She said "If I prove you dumb I give ya some."
The man continues to lose a argument knowing he will get a blowjob after 10 minutes, and he did.
Years later they have a kid but none of them want him so they have an argument of who takes care of it and the other leaves for good.
The man without a thought loses the argument the get another blowjob, but after the argument the woman starts rapping
"Yo yo guess who's the kid, not me so suck yourself bitch."
Before she leaves the he says "what about the blowjob?"
She says ask my twin sister that has herpes cause she did it the whole time.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in
the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,
I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.