Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women? A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."
(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.