Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions!
10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.