What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
Men are like buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions!
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote:
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.