The best money jokes

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
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Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
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‘I used to live in a sub-basement. The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks. When the market crashed, he was wiped out. He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen
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The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
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A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
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Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes? So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
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I was taken short in the back of a taxi. Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note. Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
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Did you hear about the gypsy who won the Lottery? He got paid in travellers’ cheques.
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Think nobody knows you’re alive? Try missing a payment.
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Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
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