He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
They say about money that you can’t take it with you. I can’t even afford to go.
Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club. ‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one. ‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other.
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
I’ve just come into some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard? They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.