Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
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A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby.
He used to scream and cry like hell.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once?
A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.
If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!
Yo mama so stupid when she pays her bills she gives pennies to her cash.
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon.
Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would
there be any "we" in the first place."