The best money jokes

They say about money that you can’t take it with you. I can’t even afford to go.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club. ‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one. ‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
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has 40.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
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has 40.24 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: cat, kids, kitty, money
I went to the groceries because I wanted to buy one bottle of milk. I have found out that I´ve got only 0,50 cent and the mild has cost 1 euro. I have told the saleswoman that I have only 0,50 cent and I want to buy one bottle of milk. She has solved the situation very practically. She has taken the mop, went to the storage, cleaned the floor with spilled milk on it, she has pressed out the mop to the carry bag and gave it to me. At home I have added this milk to the coffee, I have felt something like stones or something like that under my teeth, but the coffee was really tasty. After that came my friends and the party has continued as usual.
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has 40.09 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, friendship, money, party
A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
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has 39.81 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dating, kids, money, sex
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
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has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: college, dad, money
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, drunk, money
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