Harry applies for a job at a finance company, the manager tells him the job is his if he can crack their toughest account.
Harry goes off and comes back two hours later having recovered the entire amount.
‘Amazing!’ says the manager.
‘How did you do it?’
‘Easy,’ replies Harry.
‘I said that if he didn’t pay us, I’d tell all his other creditors he had.’
A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband.
The cashier tells her it has to be endorsed, so she writes on the back, ‘My husband is a wonderful man.’
An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium.
When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’
Smile and the world audits your taxes.
My uncle is very mean.
I went round the other day and found him stripping the wallpaper.
He wasn’t redecorating, he was moving.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money!
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again.
"What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied.
'I lost it down the road.'
'Why don't you look for it there?'
'Because the light's better here!'