A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.
Why is money green? Because people usually pick it before it's ripe!
I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
Jesus saves. But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?
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We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.