Harry staggers exhausted into his house.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife.
‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry.
‘You idiot,’ says his wife.
‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’
My grandfather came from a very poor family.
The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.
There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem.
If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
Why do people like to borrow money in Alaska?
Because they have Fairbanks!
Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer?
He liked cold hard cash!
What’s the difference between an insurance company actuary and a Mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year, a Mafia actuary can name them.
He was so poor he didn’t even get a yo-yo for Christmas.
His parents could only afford a yo.
We were so poor our mother would send us out with a shopping list to chase the garbage truck.