What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Three prisoners are locked in a cell. One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’ The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’ The third man pulls out a packet of tampons. ‘Those aren’t much use,’ says the first prisoner. ‘Yes they are,’ says the third prisoner. ‘On the packet it says we can use them to swim, play tennis and ski.’
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men? You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself? He’s smoking a cigarette.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her. Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her. Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.
Q: What have condoms and tires in common? A: Good year.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!