"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".