"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"
Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.