Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".