Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."