Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It got angry and bit at the champ!
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing.
One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.
The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."
What time does Andy Murray go to his bed?
Ten-ish.
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300...
Without a ball...
He wasn't even in a bowling ally.
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Chuck Norris once won a three-legged race... By himself.
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