Best jokes ever

Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police. The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
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Money can’t buy happiness, but it can rent it for a couple of hours.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.
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Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
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Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
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‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
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Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane? A dandy lion.
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A kid asks his father: Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed? Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.
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A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
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More jokes about: cop, love, men