A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account.
That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.
Why don’t some teachers like to break wind in public?
Because they’re private tooters.
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.
There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!
A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt.
She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt.
The doctor told her to demonstrate.
She touched her nose and it hurt.
She touched her stomach and it hurt.
The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes.
"Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!"
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia?
2 months...
How does he get there?
He walks.