When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
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At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris.
It must use specialized equipment just to gaze upon his silhouette
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There is a plaque laid next to the remnants of the Titanic which reads, "Only Chuck Norris is unsinkable"
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What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
Question: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
Answer: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Chuck Norris doesn't tie shoelaces, he wins them.
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Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican?
A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
Q: What is long and black?
A: An unemployment line
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