When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris. It must use specialized equipment just to gaze upon his silhouette
There is a plaque laid next to the remnants of the Titanic which reads, "Only Chuck Norris is unsinkable"
What's the only thing white girls swallow? Starbucks.
Question: Why do women have smaller feet than men? Answer: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Chuck Norris doesn't tie shoelaces, he wins them.
Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican? A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
Q: What is long and black? A: An unemployment line