Best jokes ever

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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More jokes about: celebrity, cop, death, work
Having gone to his secretary's apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. "My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!" Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. "Honey!" he began, "Don't call the cops and don't pay the ransom." "I escaped!"
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More jokes about: cop
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo' Mama is so hairy, she has to part the hair on her butt to go to the bathroom.
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More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
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More jokes about: business, flirt, food, money, sex
Yo mamma so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."
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More jokes about: disgusting
"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
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More jokes about: animal
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
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More jokes about: animal, elephant
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
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More jokes about: money