Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her.
"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.
"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?" retorted the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
Chuck Norris caught a bullet with the same gun he fired it from.
Vote:
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
Vote:
When Chuck Norris talks, people listen.
When he doesn't, people still listen.
Vote:
Chuck Norris walked into a bar.
"OUCH!" said the bar.
Vote:
Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine.
He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself.
Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
Vote:
Chuck Norris DNA is classified.
Vote: