A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible. After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report." Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Love does not conquer all. Chuck Norris does.
Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Chuck Norris doesn't need a case for his phone. The ground is afraid to break it.
Why are niggers like sperm? Only 1 in a Million actually works
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."