Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris.
There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
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On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
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Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
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Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
A woman is approaching a very small Bistro.
She calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer.
Then she bends over the desk and starts to carress his beard.
"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
"Ehhh. No.
Not at all!" the barkeeper replies.
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
"Oh, I'm very sorry.
But no.
Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation.
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
"Of course.
What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans.
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
"Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel on the lady's toilet!"
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.