"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.
A man is on his deathbed. ‘Grant me one last wish, my dear,’ he gasps pitifully to his wife. ‘Six months after I die I want you to marry Joe.’ ‘But I thought you hated Joe,’ says his wife. ‘I do,’ says the man.
Chuck Norris never actually moves. He merely rotates the earth with his feet.
A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.
Q: In which room we cannot live? A: Mushroom.
What's grosser than gross? Ten babies in one mail box. What's grosser than that? One baby in ten mailboxes. What's grosser than that? Biting into a pickle and finding a vein. What's grosser than that? A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor. What's grosser than that? A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.
Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air. Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
Yo mamma is stupid she bought tickets to Flo ridas concert but instead she went to Florida.
Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs. This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.
Love does not conquer all. Chuck Norris does.