Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
I've got this black friend... just kidding.
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher? They both got fired.
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.