Chuck Norris can breath out with his nose and breath in with his mouth at the same time.
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Chuck Norris went up Niagra Falls in a barrel.
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Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
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Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
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Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump.
"Well, go in the bushes."
"What should I use to wipe my ass?"
"Use a dollar bill."
A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.
"What happened?" asks his friend.
"I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
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There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it.
After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned.
The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table.
She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move.
The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world.
The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
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Chuck Norris doesn't cry.
His eyes sweat.
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A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age."
Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
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