Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? A: So you don't poke your eye out.
What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
Chuck Norris to Major Tom - Stay there.
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Black man found a bottle in the desert, opened it and the genie flew out: "Ask for what you want - I'll fulfill three of your wishes!" "I want to be white, often see nude woman, and that I will always be full of water!" Genie waved his hand and turned the black man to a water closet...
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job... He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".
If Chuck Norris told you to jump off a bridge, would you? Of course you would.