Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can punch your thoughts and give you a headache.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."
Hurricanes are really just Chuck Norris breathing into the rain.
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Yo mama so fat that her knuckles have sideburns.
Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
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Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump.
"Well, go in the bushes."
"What should I use to wipe my ass?"
"Use a dollar bill."
A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.
"What happened?" asks his friend.
"I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
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There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it.
After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned.
The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table.
She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move.
The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world.
The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
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