Yo mama so fat that her knuckles have sideburns.
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor. Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age." Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
Yo mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I got energy!"
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
Chuck Norris brings his fists to gunfights.
If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.