Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk.
He simply lowers his IQ to yours.
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Chuck Norris can breath out with his nose and breath in with his mouth at the same time.
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Chuck Norris went up Niagra Falls in a barrel.
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Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
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Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world?
A: Grandma of a vegan.
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Chuck Norris fell off a building, he got sued for breaking the sidewalk with his fists.
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Hurricanes are really just Chuck Norris breathing into the rain.
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Yo mama so fat that her knuckles have sideburns.
Chinese and American are in a plane.
Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry.
After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it.
While he's gone, American spits into his shoes.
Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke.
That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry."
Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."