Yo mama's so stupid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts" was a basketball team.
Where to birds invest their money? In the stork market!
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Yo momma’s so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...