What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.