Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Yo momma’s so ugly, people make jokes about her.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class." The flight attendent was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move. Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?" The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."
America doesn't need a military... We've got Chuck Norris
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
The fastest dialog in the world: (WC door is opening) Man inside: Heyyy! Man outside: Sorryyy!
How many blondes does it take to play tag? One.