Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable? A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
Chuck Norris brings his fists to gunfights.
If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards.
Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church. The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.'' So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart. The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis. The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''
Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer? A: They never get old.