In fourth grade, a teacher edited Chuck Norris's essay. Big mistake. You don't edit Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris edits you... with his fist.
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
I think that it is better to give that to get. You have a very generous thinking. Are you a humanitarian? No, I’m a boxer.
Chuck Norris favorite pick up line: ''now''
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Yo Mama's so stupid when she heard someone say it was chille outside,she went and grabbed a size 20 bowl.
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America. She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?" The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya" And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum" The guy says: "In that case follow me" So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!" So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
Why did the teacher jump into the lake? Because she wanted to test the waters!
"Yo momma so fat when she steps on a weighing machine, it read ‘one at a time, please'!"