There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it.
After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned.
The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table.
She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move.
The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world.
The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
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Chuck Norris doesn't cry.
His eyes sweat.
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A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age."
Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
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Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
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Hurricanes are really just Chuck Norris breathing into the rain.
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Yo mama so fat that her knuckles have sideburns.
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world?
A: Grandma of a vegan.
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Chuck Norris fell off a building, he got sued for breaking the sidewalk with his fists.
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What?
Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."