What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
There are three 6th grade girls: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Which one has the biggest tits? The blonde....she's 18.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello.
One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was. The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O". The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?" The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"
Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
There's something actionable in your pants.
Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name? A: Papa Boner