One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
"Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"
"Because I feel like it."
"Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."
"Whatever."
So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour.
Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
"I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"
"It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so hairy, she has to part the hair on her butt to go to the bathroom.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, the only difference between her face and a bag of crap is the bag.
When Chuck Norris punches someone in the stomach they get hit in the back of the head.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks her binoculars are opera glasses.
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
Vote:
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"