What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
Vote:
One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
"Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"
"Because I feel like it."
"Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."
"Whatever."
So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour.
Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
"I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"
"It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
Vote:
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph.
He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago.
I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
Time waits for no man.
Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Why was the IT support worker bad-tempered?
Because he had a chip on his shoulder.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’