What is the best job in a country which is war-prone? "Foreign ambassador."
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy. "There were no survivors."
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
Chuck Norris found the end of a rainbow. The leprachuan said he couldn't have the gold. So he roundhouse kicked him in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn’t swim, we beats the water into submission.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.