Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote. He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.
If you don't know who your father is, odds are it's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a theme song because, you won't hear anything once your roundhouse kicked in the face.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Yo momma's so fat; she's got her own zip code!
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!