Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
What happens when Chuck Norris orders a beer and gets a beer? He roundhouses the waitress, Chuck Norris should not have to ask.
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris knows what the secret crabby patty recipe is.
The only apocolypse that can happen is if bogyman insults Chuck Norris. The whole universe goes to hell.