Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
God said let there be light. Chuck Norris said say please.
A javelin thrower called Vicky Found the grip of her javelin sticky. When it came to the throw She couldn't let go. Making judging the distance quite tricky.
Yo Momma's a bowling ball. She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter. Then she comes rolling back for more.
Yo momma’s so fat, her belt size is the equator.