How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
I’ve just come into some money.
I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car.
Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
"Why sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially well for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice.
"No, no! A little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep?
A wooly jumper.
A blonde was so proud of herself because she finished a jigsaw in 6 months and the cover said 2-4 years!
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!