What kind of money do marsupials use?
Pocket change!
A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.
The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"
"If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"
Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in?
A: The sign said "must be 18 to enter".
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor.
‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks.
‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
I’ve just come into some money.
I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car.
Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
"Why sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially well for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice.
"No, no! A little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.