I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, "I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here." The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said. "I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink," said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here." So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The third string says "Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink." The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, "You a string?" "Frayed knot," he replies.
How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
What fur do we get from a tiger? As fur as possible!
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.