‘Cats have nine lives.
Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
Two alpinists on a mountain:
One of them falls in a crack, the other jumps at the hole and screams after the other one:
Are you hurt?
Noooooo! He hears.
How come?
I’m still fallinnnnnnn!
A blonde in a bar is hunched over her martini spearing at the olive with a cocktail stick.
A dozen times the olive eludes her until a man sitting next to her grabs the stick and skewers it for her.
‘That’s the way to do it,’ he says.
‘Big deal,’ replies the blonde.
‘You’d never have got it unless I’d tired it out first.’
A blonde was so proud of herself because she finished a jigsaw in 6 months and the cover said 2-4 years!
what is the diffrent between a chicken and a prostute
chicken goes cockadoodle do
prostute goes any cock will do.
What time does Andy Murray go to his bed?
Ten-ish.
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby.
He used to scream and cry like hell.
I love blacks. It's a pitty they are not being traded anymore...
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’